It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
