So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
