.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
