he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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