Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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