Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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