Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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