no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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