we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
