I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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