O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
