I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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