Got a toothbrush?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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