call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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