I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Floor bacon is actually really good
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
