And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
