Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
