If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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