I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
