she looked like the before picture.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
