So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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