i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
