That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
