yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
