your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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