and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
