At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
