Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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