i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
