too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Alive.
So much puke
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
