it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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