she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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