hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need moral support for this bender
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
