And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
