i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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