So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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