meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
