just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
