I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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