Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
