I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
