Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
