I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
