I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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