Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
