my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
