Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
