I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
