well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
