if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
